Dreams vs Reality

Well, I hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving! I had something to be extremely grateful for. I got to see my parents. I haven't seen my Dad in over a year! So, the fact that they were able to come up from AZ to WI to hang out with us for a week was and is great. I love my family. 

Now, as for my husband and myself... It was our first Thanksgiving here in America and I didn't see Ed until after 8pm. Now, don't worry... not every post I write will be me moaning about life. But, right now, this is life and I am trying to paint a clear and true picture for you all. The previous week Ed had worked about 60 hours and was offered overtime for Thanksgiving. This makes for one tired hubby. He worked 3am-3pm the day of Thanksgiving and even though I had spent time and effort into preparing a lovely (it was pretty dang good) turkey for Thanksgiving, he wasn't able to join in the family gathering.

It has been a rough week. I am trying my hardest to be happy. Something, I might add, that I don't think I should have to try so hard at. My parents are visiting and I feel as though I am not giving them the attention they deserve because I am too wrapped up in my own head and emotions. But, I am trying. I'm trying to enjoy the time I do have with my husband. But, all I keep thinking about is "Is this our future?" "Is this it?" "We work all day, sometimes all night, sleep, eat and do it again?". I don't socialize. Between working, maintaining the house (grocery shopping, cleaning, etc), and trying to exercise; I don't have any spare time. The very little spare time I have, I try to spend with Ed when we aren't on opposite schedules. Quite honestly, its depressing. 

When Ed and I were in China we would have a huge crowd over for Thanksgiving. It was wonderful. We weren't all Americans, but it was a good excuse to get together. We would have a huge meal together, everyone would bring something. We worked for a foreign language university, with majors from many different languages, requiring teachers from many different countries. The food on our Thanksgiving table was as diverse as we were. We would all sit down to eat and, as cheesy as it may sound, say one thing we were thankful for. This was my favorite part. I loved hearing about the joy in my friends' lives. 

This year I got to see my family. It was great. As I said, I love my family very much. We don't get together all that often (life is busy), but we try to for most holidays. However, even though I was home and with family. It still felt as though something was missing. I don't know if it was because Ed wasn't there or because it was a different experience. But, I couldn't shake this feeling of feeling out of place. This is not in ANY way due to my family. They are some of the most supportive, loving, and kind people on this planet. Its just the way it was. 

When we were dreaming of our life here... this isn't how I pictured it. I can't really describe how I pictured life to be. But the reality of life here is not what we want. Its hard to adjust to a new lifestyle when that one person you're supposed to have to lean on, isn't available. When we were in China, we had not only each other, but countless friends going through similar experiences. I guess that's why I decided to write this blog. I feel like we can't be the only ones who are going through this. So, if you're feeling like I'm feeling... you're not alone. We will get through this. We will find happiness. I'm not sure when, where or how... but we will. Life is funny, not ha ha funny, but an intriguing and crazy and unpredictable kind of funny. Somewhere in this great big ball of water is our happiness 🌏. 

Choosing Happiness

The first thing you have to do when you decide to write a blog is name it. I've been contemplating writing for awhile now. But, what do I call it..? I knew what I wanted to write about. I want to write about our life. I want to write about taking every opportunity we are presented. I want to write about what the world has to offer. I want to write about not settling for a life I don't like. I want to write about happiness. 
So, after MUCH deliberation. My husband and I settled on the name, Choosing Happiness. 

Welcome to our story. My name is Christiana and I will be the main composer of this blog. I graduated college in December of 2012 and decided to move to China. It was there that I met my wonderful husband Ed. We spent four years there together. In 2015 we became engaged and married. We then applied for my husbands green card to the States. I should pause here to say that my husband is from England. So, we applied and anxiously awaited word on the status of the application. Boy, do they make you wait. After various steps, fees and a final interview we were granted his green card (permanent resident card) in the beginning of 2017. 
We were excited and nervous. We had talked about what we would do. He is a certified personal trainer and would begin working in a gym and I would go back into teaching. Ohhhh if only it were that easy. 
At the time the green card was granted we were staying with his family in the UK. I am only allowed to stay in the UK for 6 months out of a 12 month period. Because we had visited for the Chinese New Year, my time was up before his official paperwork would arrive. So, I headed to the States to start our life. I moved into my parents home (my parents had recently moved to another state and left us their home to rent, but thats a whole other story) and began to make it our home. I applied for a few jobs and began interviewing. I was made several offers, but ended up deciding I was going to take a job in retail for awhile. I love teaching, but thought while I was settling in I needed a 9-5 job. Teaching is not and will never be a 9-5 job. The company offered a decent wage and benefits. So for what I needed, it worked. I was still working the retail position when Ed arrived. It was his turn to search for a job. He had a few interviews at gyms, that ended up not choosing him. I then decided I wasn't happy in my current job and needed to go back to teaching. So, I applied at a childcare center near our home and was hired. I was still working the retail position, while Ed searched for a job. After countless applications he took a job in a factory. It wasn't what he wanted to be doing, but the people were nice and it paid. It was then that I was able to leave the retail job and begin teaching. I also started my own business by becoming a Pampered Chef consultant. Soon after Ed started at the factory, they began having layoffs. He realized the work was not going to be reliable enough and began applying elsewhere. After a few interviews he found a place that seemed to be a better fit. It was closer to home and was actually requiring over-time from its employees rather than having to lay them off. 
We have now been in the US for 7 months. We are both working, and we hardly see each other. This is not the life we want. This is not the life we signed up for. 
Now, I don't want you to read this and think we were naive and thought all the pieces were just going to fall into place for us. We knew it was going to be hard. Moving is always a challenge. We weren't just moving, but starting a new life. We thought there would be ups and downs, just as we'd experienced in China. We just didn't expect it to be like this. For the past 7 months, there have been more downs than ups. Most days I feel like packing our bags and just leaving. One of the hardest things is not being together. My husband makes me a better and stronger person. Together I know we can conquer anything life throws at us. But, right now we aren't able to be there for each other. We are in this together, and yet some days feel so alone. 
Right now, I don't know what we are going to do. But, I know THIS isn't working for us. There are opportunities out there in this great big world that will lead to happiness, and we are going to choose them. We will choose us over anything else. 
There is so much more I could write, about our past, our future, and everything in between; but I will save that for the weeks to come!