Winter Wonderland

For those of you who don't follow me on FB I am hoping to restart my blog. Eventually, I will be changing to a different format (stay tuned) but I couldn't wait to start writing again. Writing is very therapeutic for me. I know I'm not a professional writer, but I hope you follow my journey anyways!

Welcome to the restart of Choosing Happiness! Eventually this blog will become a combo of positivity and updates about my travels. I've started making plans/outlines and once I have the funds to start on a new platform, its going to be GREAT! I cannot wait to see where this new journey leads. 

I am still in China and still loving life. Don't get me wrong... this semester HAS NOT been easy. But, that is ok! It has provided me with opportunities to grow as a person and as a teacher. I have definitely gained more patience these past few months, and I look forward to what the future holds.

But, lets look at the here and now! My students and co-workers were all telling me it was going to snow last weekend. I woke up on Saturday morning and was SOO disappointed when the world was not covered in white fluffy stuff (so much for that whole patience thing I was just talking about). So, I stuck to my usual Saturday routine. I planned a new lesson, worked on some things for my small business, talked to my family and had some good chill time (( I just started watching This Is Us and I am HOOOOOKED )). Shortly after lunch the snow began to fall. I had convinced myself it was a fluke and it wasn't going to stick... boy was I wrong!!! 

IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. 

I had been feeling a little homesick lately and this was the perfect pick me up! 

Ed suggested we go for a walk so I could get some photos. I don't have any editing software on my computer (it's an ancient Macbook, but it gets the job done) but I still love how they turned out!

We met some friends for dinner at the canteen on campus... which is actually pretty good and then we continued our walk. We bought a teeny tiny Christmas tree to take home. We also got some lights for it. Have you all seen the LED Christmas lights?? Holy Moly, if we ever get snowed in we can use them as a distress beacon. They are pretty, but SUPER BRIGHT!

Then it was time for some hot cocoa yummmmm! 
It was seriously the greatest evening I have had in awhile. Snow, Christmas Tree, Hot Cocoa... what more could a girl ask for??  

We finished our walk home and spent the evening playing Dos (its like Uno) and sipping wine together with our friends. 

It was one simple weekend out of many. But, it brought me so much joy. 

Last weekend helped me to relax and to let go of things I cannot change. When I was walking through the snow with my husband, I wasn't thinking about all the little things that are usually on my mind. While I was sipping hot cocoa, I was thinking about how great chocolate is, instead of how my future will turn out. And while we were enjoying time with our friends I was just happy, and living in the moment. 


Walking through the snow cost us NOTHING, but it was more romantic than any 5 star dinner could have been. Why? Because my husband suggested it because he knew it would make me happy. He wasn't trying to impress anyone. He just wanted to see me smile. How great is that?

This weekend I want you to find joy in something, anything, and tell me what made you smile. I can't wait to hear what brings you happiness. 

Was It Worth It?

For those of you who don't know, it was a long and demanding process to get the green card. We started in 2015 and didn't get it until the beginning of 2017. It was not only difficult for us, but for our families as well. There was a lot of paperwork. The paperwork in itself wasn't much of a surprise. We had expected that. However, some of it was difficult to get because we weren't in our home countries. We had to rely on family to help us get and send out some of the documents. Beyond gathering all the documents, each step of the process had a fee. So, by the end, we ended up paying a lot for the green card. Time, money, stress, joy, tears, excitement, and disappointment all played a role when we were applying. 

Then it happened... we (Ed) was approved! We were in England at the time and I had to leave. I was only allowed to spend 6 out of 12 consecutive months in England. So, I went back to America and waited for Ed to arrive. We were excited and ready to "start our new lives". 

When I arrived in the States it was pretty easy for me to find a job. It was not as easy for Ed. He ended up taking a job below his qualifications, just because no one was calling him back. It is UNBELIEVABLY frustrating to see companies advertise vacancies for weeks and never call you or respond in any way (even after you have been reaching out in multiple formats) ... but this is a whole different topic ha ha. Before Ed was offered a job it was obvious we were going to need a second income. So, I took on two jobs. It is HARD to settle in America. Stuff is expensive... like everything is. The majority of our furniture was either from second hand shops or passed down from family members. We were super lucky to be given a head start from my parents. They had recently moved to AZ and let us live in their home back in WI. I honestly don't know what we would have done if we had had to make rent payments. Because Ed was new to the States and hadn't had a job yet, he didn't qualify for state benefits. I found that the health insurance offered was actually more affordable through my employer.... which really confused me. Why would something that is supposed to be offered to help you, be more expensive?? 

So, basically, we had it good (I had two jobs and we had a roof over our head) and it was still hard. We didn't want to give up though. We are not quitters and did not want to admit defeat. Eventually Ed found a steady job and I was able to work just one. But, this then lead to its own complications. Ed ended up taking a job in a paper mill. This meant long and tiring hours. He worked shift work. So, some days he worked 7am-7pm and other days he worked 7pm-7am. This is quite common for people in my hometown. We have a lot of different manufacturing plants. But, because I was a teacher working during the day we would go days without seeing each other. When we did see each other we were generally too tired to do anything fun or interesting. This was not the kind of life we wanted to live. 

Ed got the green card. But, because of the work schedule we had. He has only seen one of the 50 states and not very much of it. People we had met while we were abroad kept saying, "come visit us here" (several different states)! But, we couldn't. We couldn't get time off and even if we could get the time off we couldn't afford it and wouldn't be able to for several years. We weren't alone though. Our friends couldn't come visit us for the very same reasons. 

Being close to my family was nice. But, even though we were close in terms of distance, we still barely saw them. Flights to England were cheaper from the States and the flight time was shorter... but if we couldn't visit California there was no way we could fly across the ocean. I genuinely think I saw more of my family and friends when I visited from abroad then when I lived across town from them. 

So, was it worth it? Was getting the green card the right choice?? I don't know. It took a lot of time, money and stress. But, without having gone through this experience we wouldn't know what we know now. We probably wouldn't appreciate the opportunity we have in China as much either. Being here brings new opportunities everyday! We are able to see and do things we wouldn't normally be able to. We are not the only ones who feel this way either. There are a few others we know who have left China and returned because life just wasn't working out in their home countries. These are people from ALL OVER the WORLD. 

One thing people keep asking me about is what I will do for my retirement. I don't know. I really really don't know. But, don't take this to mean its not something I don't think about. I do. But, I also know that many of my peers and fellow co-workers don't know either. Who knows if social security will be around when I'm eligible (probably not)? Most companies offer a 401k or some other plan. But a lot of people in my generation are too busy paying off debts in order to invest. I'm not saying its true for everyone. But, this is a truth for many Americans in my generation. I am not going to sit there, living a life that makes me miserable in order to hope to maybe someday retire comfortably. Life is waaaaaay to unpredictable for me to put myself in a situation like that. 

Sooooo we are in China. I don't know if this is where we will stay for long. I can tell you what we do know. Right now, there isn't a life for us in America. It's a wonderful place to visit, but not where we want to spend the rest of our lives. The American dream is not OUR dream. 

Opportunity

It's funny. America is known as the  "land of opportunities". For some and maybe even for many, this may be true. However, Ed and I did not find this to be the case. 

Here in China Ed and I have an interesting life. We are able to meet new people (almost daily) from many different cultures. 

Recently, we were able to reconnect with some old friends. They are currently living in South Africa, but were visiting Shaoxing for a few weeks. It was great to see them again. We were able to talk about how much life changes and how quickly it does! We even talked about the possibility of visiting them in the future, before they move from South Africa to another country. We were also able to attend their anniversary celebration. If you have never been to a party in China.... you need to go. The food is SPECTACULAR! I believe there were around 20 dishes brought out. Yummm..... 

Speaking of food, have you ever tried ShaoKao? It is Chinese barbecue and its pretty darn great. They have everything from potatoes to squid. Ed and I are obsessed with the veggies and tofu and we especially love the EGGPLANT. NOM NOM. American barbecue is pretty good. Not going to lie, I love brats and burgers on the grill. But HOLY COW... you've all got to try this stuff. 

But enough about food, back to the opportunities we have. This week I was able to visit a school in the countryside of Shaoxing. I was the first foreign teacher to visit this school. It was so amazing to see the contrasts in such small area. This school was in the middle of fields and near a river. Yet, the classrooms had recording equipment, smartboards, and a one way window. The English teachers from the school sat on the other side of the window to watch my class. They wanted to learn more about western teaching strategies. This is an opportunity I would not have had in the States. 

Actually, our job in general is a pretty great opportunity. We were asked to teach at the number one highschool in our province. That's pretty cool. The students from this school attend the top universities in China, as well as schools all over the world! We hope we can be an inspiration to them.

One of the coolest parts of living here is that we actually have time for all these opportunities. Unlike before, I'm not dreading going to events because it takes up the 2 free hours I am supposed to have with my husband. In fact, a lot of the opportunities we have here we can experience together. What can be better than that? 

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I don't know what the future holds. I'm hoping an OPPORTUNITY comes along that we just can't pass up. You never know what life has in store for you. 

Hello Again!

Sorry for the lonnnnnng delay in posting.... but WE MOVED! We are officially back on the other side of the planet. When I was a kid we used to do super cool things like dig holes. What were these holes for? Who knows? But, you can guarantee there was a joke made about that hole going all the way to China. Well everyone, if you really could dig a whole to China, you could come visit us!

Its been a roller coaster of a year. When I first started this blog I was not in a good place. I was safe, I was fed, but I wasn't happy. WE weren't happy. Both my husband and I decided that the life we were living in America wasn't for us, at least not now. Who knows what the future will bring... not me. We did what we could to try to make things work. We applied for other jobs. I took other jobs. But, it still wasn't working. 

We got an offer to go teach abroad again. We are living in the same city we were before. We are actually on the same campus. We are working for a different company though. This was NOT an easy decision to make. We were unhappy and knew we needed a change. But, was this going to be the change we needed?? So far, I can say yes. This was definitely the right decision. I get to see my husband everyday. I get to socialize here. We have the opportunity and time for travel. So far, so good. 

All this being said, of course we miss our friends and family. WE ARE SO LUCKY to have such wonderfully supportive people in our lives. We have people who genuinely want us to be happy, no matter where we are in the world. 

So, we did  it. We chose happiness. We may not have a lot of money. We may not know where life is going. But, we have each other and we are happy. I wish all of you happiness. I hope you continue to follow us on our journey through life. 

Pros :: Cons

I don't know about you all, but I am a LIST MAKER. I currently have 63 notes in my phone and I just downloaded a new app for my watch for making lists. 

Ed has officially been in the US for 10 months today. 
So, here is a list my husband and I came up with. This is a pros and cons list for having a Green Card in America. 


Pros:

• Ability to work in the US: This doesn't mean you will get a job or that it will be easy to find one. But, it means you are legally hirable. 
• Able to get a drivers license in the US: You don't have to rely on public transportation or others to get you around. We live in an area where public transportation isn't super convenient or affordable. So, this was important. 
• Sense of achievement: It is a long and difficult (plus expensive!) task. So, when you finally get approval it is a pretty great feeling. 

Cons: 

• Taxes: Not only paying taxes on what he earns here (totally get that), but if he earns a certain amount or has a certain amount in the bank abroad we will be taxed on that. Not only from the UK but here as well. This also  includes any inheritance he may receive in the future. 
• Lack of Flexibility: We used to be able to travel wherever we wanted, whenever we wanted. Now we have to be careful with how much time we spend overseas. This means we are limited in the time we can spend with his family. It also means if/when we are offered job opportunities we need to consider his residency obligations in the States. 
• Healthcare: HOLY BUCKETS, it's expensive. We pay every month/pay check to have health insurance and yet when we go to the doctor we still have to pay quite a lot. I got a sinus infection a few months back and on top of my health insurance costs, I still paid around $200. Coming from a country with free health care, this was quite shocking for my husband. 

These are the main pros and cons we wanted to share with you today. There may be more for you or less depending on where you are coming from. But, this is how WE currently feel about having permanent residency. We decided to apply for the green card after having visited for one summer. We don't mean to be down on the US. It's just that its a very different lifestyle than we were used to. It's also very hard to "get settled" here. We thought this was something that we wanted. But, it seems like we miss the flexibility of our old life.  If we want that again while living here, we are going to have to wait a long LONG time (or win the lottery). We are lucky to have had this experience and to have had such supportive (amazing, wonderful, loving) family to help us along the way. It hasn't been a great one for us. But, thats ok. We aren't going to sit around and complain though. We are looking into different options for our future. This has been a learning experience and has made us better, stronger people. We know that whatever life throws at us, we will get through it together. 

Annnnd GO

This week has been busy, but good! I feel like everyday has been filled with something. Tuesday we had a great time! We met our friends for tacos at a local bar for Taco Tuesday where tacos are a dollar and then we went bowling! It sounds kind of lame when I write about it... but it was really fun!! I can't remember the last time I went bowling. We went with our friends Tifani and Ben and their daughter! It was her first time bowling and I think she loved it! This girl is THE CUTEST. She is also super SUPER well behaved. We also met them for dinner again tonight. Our experience there was not as fun... the restaurant was not very busy and yet we waited about an hour for our food and then they got one of the orders wrong. But, L was great! She sat so nicely. I think I was more impatient than she was. 

Friday I had a few girlfriends over and Ed went out with the guys. Us girls sat around drinking wine and chatting having a great time. The guys took Ed out for the WI "dive bar" experience. They then decided they needed to come home and take their wives out. I am not really into going to bars, but with my mother in law visiting... well ... we had to go! I think everyone had a great time!

We have a week left to spend with my mother in law and 16 days until our next big adventure. I can say that we will be moving at the end of this month. But, I won't say where yet. We don't really have a whole lot of time for relaxing and preparing. Which makes me sometimes feel overwhelmed. But, that's just who I am. I overthink things all the time and they end up turning out fine. Moving is hard to prepare for. You need to pack, but can't pack too much because you still need to live... any tips from anyone?! Any expert packers/movers out there? I know one of the last rooms to be packed will be the kitchen. I need my cooking stuff. Of course, we also need clothes. So, that will have to be packed late as well. Like I said, I overthink things... I know everything will turn out fine. 

A Dual Purpose

Thank you Mother Nature! Ed's Mum is visiting from England. When we found out she was coming we wanted to plan things to do.... well... things are expensive. Almost immediately after she arrived it started to snow A LOT. This gave us something to do today! We went to the water and took some pictures and looked at all the snow. BRRRRR and pretty!

We are hoping to make our way down to Madison, thankfully we have some awesome relatives we can stay with. But, beyond that we will probably just be hanging out. Don't get me wrong, it's great to hang out. I just wish after she travelled so far we could show her more.

We thought of visiting my parents in AZ... the flights were kinda pricey. I'm guessing because it is warm there and cold here.

We thought of heading up to Door County and touring a winery... one night in Door County even at an AirBnB isn't all that affordable. Especially, when you add in food and gas expenses. 

Chicago is just a few hours away. So, we considered going there for a few days. FORGET ABOUT IT! The "attractions" and hotel prices were way more than we could afford. 

You may be looking at this list thinking we must make pennies if we can't afford any of this. This isn't true. I know plenty of people who make what we make and are able to visit these places. However, this is after planning to visit these places for awhile. We like to plan. I am DEFINITELY a planner. But, when we lived in China we didn't need to plan sooooo far in advance for these trips to make it work. On top of that, we've got other expenses this month that have to take priority over the fun stuff. 

For those of you who don't know. This blog serves a dual purpose.
1) I can update my friends and family on the weekly goings on in my life.
2) For those who are thinking of emigrating to America, I can give a first hand account of what it may be like.

When it comes to #2, this doesn't mean that this is what it will be like for everyone. But, when researching it myself I couldn't find much. There is TONS of information and help when you are going through the green card process. But, not so much afterwards. This is our story, I'd love to hear others! 

Take Care of Yourself

Last week I told you all I would talk to you about what "self-care" means to me. For me this isn't spa days and long contemplative walks on the beach (although I definitely wouldn't say no to that). It's more about the day to day just making sure I keep my sanity. 

One of these things would be to eat right. This is something I feel is very hard to do in this country. Cooking is not a problem for me. I love cooking. So, its not that... its the prices of things! Fruits and veggies are expensive and if you want to eat GMO free or Organic... well, get a second job. It amazes me what I pay for food here compared to what I paid for food in China. I don't think it would bother me as much if I saw that the farmers were doing well. I don't claim to be an expert on this... but it just doesn't seem like they are rolling in Benjamins. So, where is all this money going? 

Another thing I used to do more often is exercise. When we would visit England I would go to Zumba twice a week and in China I would run, do yoga, go to Zumba, and just get out and walk or bike more often. This is something that Ed really misses as well. Ed is what I would consider an avid runner. He has run in several races in multiple countries. He used to run on quite a regular basis. But, here it is more when he can fit it in. It's hard with him working shift-work. He can't exhaust himself too much because he has a 12 hour shift coming up that he has to get through. 

One thing I do get to do for self-care here, is taking a bath. I find it relaxing, and I know there are detoxifying benefits as well. This is something I didn't get to do too often when we lived abroad. We only had a bath tub when we were staying in hotels. 

Both Ed and I used to have a lot more time for educational pursuits as well. While we were living abroad we both tried to learn knew languages. Not only of the country we were living in, but other languages as well. I've never been one for studying. When I was in school, I pretty much couldn't wait to graduate. But, as an adult I like being able to choose what I want to learn about. I feel like learning a different language can teach you a lot about the culture of a place as well. 

This is something I have talked about before, but socializing is part of self-care to me. In fact, this weekend we were able to see some friends and we got together for dinner with some family and I felt happy again. I felt HAPPY. It was a feeling I've missed. Usually I am stressing about what the future holds for Ed and I. But, this weekend was different. I was just happy to see people.  So, while some people need "me time" as part of their self-care routine, I need socialization. I get enough "me time" during the week. I could probably do with less "me-time". In fact, I'd say in this country I feel a lot more lonely than I do  than when I'm living abroad. Which is kind of funny when you think about it. In a land where the majority of the people didn't speak the same language as I did, I felt less alone. 

So, I think my self-care routine is pretty basic; eat right, exercise, learn, and socialize...with the occasional bath thrown in there (no worries, I shower on a regular basis). But, I don't feel like I have the time, energy or money to support these habits/goals here. 

What's your self-care routine? How do you make time for you?

Today Is A Good Day

Sorry for the late post! I usually write on Sunday evenings. But, last night Ed came home from work and said lets go on a date. Well, I couldn't say no to THAT! Sooo... we're posting a day late.

I didn't really know what to write about this week. I don't have a specific topic. So, I'm just going to tell you about my week. It was a rough one, but ended well! 

At the beginning of the week Ed was working night shift. That is just never a good time for either of us. I get home from work just after 6 and he is out the door by 6:15 at the latest. On Monday we literally kissed goodbye in the driveway and that was our interaction for the day. It seems that this is typical of the lifestyle here. Especially in this area, where a lot of the jobs are manufacturing jobs. Many of our friends and family members have said this is how they spent years of their lives until they worked "up the ladder". However, last weekend and the beginning of this week my Aunt and Uncle let us borrow their dog (puppy therapy is legit) and that really brightened our mood and helped us to not feel so lonely. The middle of this week seemed to drag on... the weather couldn't make up its mind and it seemed like the weekend would never come. Then Friday I got what I am assuming is the flu (only lasted 24hrs)... that was AWFUL and Ed was on 12 hour days. So, I was alone and sick and when he came home he was tired. Saturday was a good day for me. I got A LOT done around the house, I went grocery shopping and I cleaned Huey's cage. Sunday I didn't feel like doing much of anything.... So, I didn't. Ed came home after working 3 days of 12 hour shifts and wanted to take me out on a date!! It was great. I knew he was exhausted. But, he tried not to show it. Its really amazing how the simplest gesture (like opening the door and letting me go first) can still make my heart melt. He knows how to make me smile. 

Beyond the end of this week when Ed took me for a date; this is very typical of our life here in America, and from what I can tell it's a typical week for most people. You don't see your friends, you don't see much of your family, and yet you still don't have much time to focus on you. You would think if you're not seeing people very often you would have a lot of time for self-care. But, that doesn't seem to be the case. I guess it's because it's not that you don't see people: It's that the only people you see are your colleagues. I have to admit. I have some pretty great, kind and understanding colleagues. But, it's still not the same, I need friendships and I need my husband. I also need time to focus on me. Maybe that will be our focus for my next blog entry. What self care means to me. Anyways... 

Today I am off of work. I will be off of work for awhile now. Until our next adventure begins. Today, I feel more like myself than I have in months. I can feel a smile on my face without forcing it. Ed wants to take me on ANOTHER date tonight (it may be Tbell, but thats ok). He makes me feel like the luckiest girl. I know he would do anything to make sure I am happy. Its great to be in a relationship where you both feel that way. Today is a good day. 

Make a Life

On an almost daily basis, I get asked what it is I miss about China. Sometime its hard to put into words what I miss. But, I will do my best. This week I told Ed to write down 10 things that he missed and I would do the same. So here are my 10 things:

1. My friends: Of course when I am in China I miss my friends and family in the States. But, its different there. I saw my friends on a daily basis in China. I had weekly gatherings with them as well. The lifestyle led to being able to be much more social then I am now. 

2. Time I got to spend with Ed: This one is HUGE. If you've been following my blog you know that my husband and I barely get to see each other here. Its hard and I am not a fan. 

3. Feeling like I made a difference: I felt like I truly made a difference in my students lives. It was so great to connect with them. I also felt like I made a difference in my friends' lives and they made a difference in mine. 

4. THE FOOD: Until you try authentic Chinese food, I cannot fully explain this to you. Its. Just. So. Good. 

5. The flexibility of my day to day schedule: In China my schedule varied based on my class schedule. I had a lot more free time than I do here and was able to decide if I wanted to go shopping, or running, or climbing a mountain whenever I felt like it. 

6. Paid Vacations: Summer and Winter holidays were paid. We were able to visit friends and family back home and not worry that our bank accounts would be empty upon returning. 

7. The ease of forming new relationships: It was easy to bond with other foreigners because we were all going through similar life experiences. It was also easy to make friends with Chinese people because they were so eager to share their culture with you. 

8. The opportunity for travel: Not only did we get to travel back and forth to the city we worked in, but we got to explore a whole new country! If we were to go back, I'd like to also explore the countries near to China. Travel is so much more affordable on that side of the globe.

9. Time I had to spend bettering my health: I was able to cook more at home, and fruits and vegetables were CHEAP. I was also able to run more and attend exercise classes much more frequently. Here, I am either working when the classes are available or just too exhausted. 

10. The feeling of adventure: Even going to buy a banana could become an experience over there. I miss that. 

Ed's 10 things were a lot like mine, food, friends, travel etc... But, he also had the fact that he was able to study languages when he was there. He not only studied Chinese but Russian and Arabic as well. He didn't get to master them but he had the time to try! He also misses the mountain. When we lived in Shaoxing we lived right across the street from a mountain. It was on that mountain top that he proposed to me. 

There is a quote that I am often reminded of here. Its very cliche, but I think it is also very true. "Never get so busy making a living, that you forget to make a life". I feel like its something a lot of people say but don't follow. For me, its something I want to follow. I want to experience life. Right now, I feel as though I am just getting through each day to get to the next. This is not what I want to remember when I am old and reminiscing. 

Making this list has served a dual purpose. I can finally answer those who have asked AND we have had the chance to really think about what it is in life that we want/don't want. We may not know where we want to be. But, we now know the type of life we want to lead. We don't want to simply go through the motions. We want to make a difference and make experiences. 

New Year, New Life

We have officially completed week one of the new year. Go us! The only resolution I made this year was to find more happiness. This hasn't been something I've struggled with in a long time (think typical sullen teenager). I have always been the type of person to find the silver lining in situations, to the point where I've been told its annoying. But, that never stopped me. Until this past year. I just got tired of being "beaten" down. It seemed like everytime something good would happen in life, something bad (often 2 somethings) soon followed. For example, after Ed got his first job in America the company he worked for soon started having layoffs and his car broke down and I was exhausted from working two jobs. So, we went from YAY a job... to just kidding, no work for you and double work for the wife...oh and you have an extra expense now too!

Thats all about to change. Ed and I are making positive life changes. Life is still very stressful and we still barely see each other. But, we are doing something about it. I won't quite tell you what yet... you'll have to keep reading to find that out. We aren't going to sit around here though, complaining that we don't like our situation and do nothing about it. 

So, here are my silver linings from the week. I tried a new recipe that I had to mess around with because I didn't have all the ingredients and it turned out great. I got to Facetime with my parents multiple times this week, which is not something we usually have time for. I got to spend some time with both sets of grandparents, whom I am lucky to still have in my life. I also got to have lunch and chat with my Aunt. Because of the holiday in the beginning of the week, I was able to spend a chunk of time cleaning the house (now we just need to keep it this way). And most importantly, even through stress and tears I have an amazing husband who I get to go through life with. 

I hope you all can find the silver linings in your life. Its hard, I know, but they are there. And if you can't find them... make them.